Hope

As I’m writing this, there’s only one thought running through my mind. That you’re no longer here to read this. But I’m writing this for you.

You always told me how important it was to acknowledge the little things happening in our lives, the good and the bad. And every time I did that, how you found comfort in the things I wrote.

So this one’s for you. But this time, I don’t know who I’m trying to comfort through words.

I haven’t come to terms with your absence yet. I’m simply sailing without an anchor. So there’s nothing really that I can offer. No words of advice to the people reading this.

But if there’s something I can tell you, it’s that life is fragile and precious. It’s something all of us know but only very few understand. Seeing a precious life cut short teaches you this. Losing a loved one teaches you this.

We don’t know which moment in life is going to be the last one. So live every moment like it might be your last. Spend more time with your loved ones. Take more pictures together. Forgive others and more importantly, yourself. Sometimes we focus so much on the negatives that we forget to embrace the beautiful moments in life. Let’s not do that.

And dealing with the loss of someone is not easy. There’s a void in you which can’t ever be filled by anyone or anything. You don’t get over it. Your grief and your loss is something you carry and will carry for the rest of your life. And I’ve come to realize that it’s okay.

You can’t run from it, avoid it or try to numb it. Give yourself permission to grieve. Grieve in your own way. Without expectations. Without boundaries.

You’ll be angry at the world for taking them away from you. But someone told me that if you love someone enough, you should love them enough to let them go rather than seeing them in pain. And that hit me. If living everyday was giving them nothing but pain, isn’t it selfish of us to want to keep them with us longer? Wouldn’t we all exchange their pain with ours in a heartbeat?

And no matter how hard you try, you can’t avoid your own mind into reminiscing. Just by looking at something that represents someone(for some odd reason) can reduce you to tears. A beat of a song, even a blank piece of paper can bring into you an emptiness that suffocates you. You can try to crumble it all you want but you won’t be able to.

But try to remember that they wouldn’t want to see you like this. They would want you to be happy. Don’t keep yourself busy doing something that doesn’t make you happy. It might only make you more miserable. Keep yourself busy by taking the time to figure out what it is that you love. Set goals and build a plan to make your dreams become a reality. You owe it yourself and your loved one.

Do things that they might have wanted or told you to do. It gives you some sort of peace. And it somehow makes you believe that they’re with you in spirit and you’re living for them too.

Vikas, I hope you’re not in pain anymore. I hope you’re happy and at peace.

And to all those grieving him, let’s remember and marvel at how strong a person he was. He always withstood with grace everything life threw at him. So let’s try to stay strong and cherish his memories like he would have wanted us to. He never gave up in the face of adversity. Let us not too.